FOUR CHILDREN

On October 25, 2017, all four of my younger siblings were placed in my care.

I was nineteen years old.

Nineteen.

Some people my age were worrying about dorm rooms, parties, exams, and their first real taste of independence.

I was worrying about four children.

I remember looking at them and realizing that everything had changed.

There was no going back.

From that moment forward, I had to think about more than myself.

Someone needed breakfast.

Someone needed help getting ready for school.

Someone needed homework checked.

Someone would eventually need a ride somewhere.

Someone would get sick.

Someone would have a bad day.

And someone would always need me.

Sometimes I would finally sit down at night and think:

I’m nineteen. Am I really supposed to know how to do all of this?

The honest answer was no.

I didn’t know.

I was learning as I went.

There were mornings when I was exhausted before the day even began.

There were evenings when I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes.

But then one of the kids would come into the room and ask me something completely ordinary.

“Can you help me with this?”

And I would get back up.

Because that was my life now.

But there was still another battle ahead.

The custody arrangement wasn’t the end of the legal process.

For roughly two more years, I continued dealing with court proceedings involving the children’s biological parents.

Two years of uncertainty.

Two years of wondering what the final outcome would be.

Two years of trying to give the kids a normal childhood while knowing that their future was still being decided.

Sometimes I was scared.

Not because I didn’t love them.

That part was never in question.

I was scared because I knew how much responsibility I had taken on.

But every time I looked at the four of them together, I remembered why I had stayed.

They had each other.

They had a home.

And they had me.

Eventually, after years of fighting and waiting, the day finally came when I could make them a promise that went far beyond temporary custody.

I was twenty-one years old.

And I was about to become their mother in the eyes of the law.