“I know.”
“You seemed happy.”
He nodded.
“I was.”
Dr. Grant leaned forward.
“Can you explain why?”
Derek was silent for a long time.
Then he said, “I thought I was taking power back.”
I felt my throat tighten.
“Power over whom?”
He looked at me.
“Over Lauren.”
The room became very quiet.
I stared at him.
He continued.
“I felt like she controlled everything because she earned more. I wanted her to understand that I could make decisions too.”
Dr. Grant asked, “Did Lauren prevent you from making decisions?”
He shook his head.
“No.”
“Then what were you trying to change?”
Derek looked ashamed.
“How I felt about myself.”
I sat back.
For years, I’d assumed that if I could show him enough love, he’d stop competing with me.
But his insecurity wasn’t something I could repair by making myself smaller.
That was his responsibility.
When we left the session, Derek took my hand.