“I never wanted to scare you. I just wanted to tell you about your dad.”
Ethan stared at him.
“You told me to lie to Mom.”
Derek shifted into a smooth explanation.
“Sometimes grown-ups have complicated situations and—”
Ethan interrupted.
“My dad wouldn’t make me lie to my mom.”
Derek stopped.
For once, he had nothing to say.
I squeezed Ethan’s hand.
And for a second, I saw Ryan in him.
That was the last time Ethan ever saw Derek.
On the drive home, he asked,
“Was Dad really angry at Uncle Derek?”
This time, I didn’t avoid the truth.
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I gave him the easier answer first.
“You were six. Your dad had just died. I thought you were already carrying enough.”
Then I gave him the harder answer.
“Sometimes talking about your dad hurt me. So I avoided it. I told myself I was protecting you, but sometimes I was protecting myself.”
Ethan looked at me.
“I like hearing about him.”
“I know.”
“Even if it’s sad.”
I nodded.
“I’d rather be sad and hear about Dad than not hear about him.”
That sentence stayed with me.
