Labor Day weekend, one year later, I stood at a different lakehouse entirely, this one rented with friends rather than family. Emma stood beside me on the deck while five musician friends grilled and laughed inside. I held my Martin D-18 and played Underwater, the instrumental I’d written after everything that happened. When I finished, they applauded, and Emma kissed my cheek. That was beautiful, she said. My phone buzzed. Barbara. Thinking of you today. Miss you. I replied, miss you too, Mom. Small progress, one careful step at a time.
Sarah was there that weekend too, and we sat on the deck later with drinks while the lake darkened around us. Derek is still at his parents’ place, she told me. Forty one now. Still working at their firm. Makes forty eight thousand. Pays child support. Sees Tyler twice a month. Dating someone from church. Drives a 2009 Honda Civic your parents helped him buy. She paused. He’s smaller now, she said. Physically, I asked. No, she said. Just diminished. Does he still blame me, I asked. Probably, she said. But he doesn’t talk about it much anymore. I felt no satisfaction hearing that, and no pity either. Just a kind of quiet awareness. Derek had become ordinary. And his particular ego had never been built to survive ordinary.
