But understanding her feelings did not make the request appropriate.
“I need to think about this,” I said.
“Of course.”
She turned her face toward the window again.
For the rest of the day, I carried the conversation with me.
I told myself that if I arranged for another physician to take over her care, the situation would be different. I imagined a brief ceremony in her hospital room, her sister present, a few flowers, and a memory she could hold on to during the days remaining to her.
I told myself that I was giving her a moment of happiness.
I did not ask my supervisor, Dr. Patel, whether the marriage would violate professional rules.
I did not seek independent guidance from the hospital’s ethics department.
I did not stop long enough to consider whether my own desire to help was clouding my judgment.
Instead, I made a decision because saying yes felt kinder than saying no.
