Page 7
I couldn’t sleep.
Around midnight, I went outside.
Snow was falling softly.
The estate was silent.
I found Adrian sitting alone on the stone steps.
He looked up.
“Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”
I sat several feet away.
For a while, we said nothing.
Then he spoke.
“I remember the day you told me.”
I looked at him.
“You remember?”
“Every word.”
“Then why did you call me a liar?”
He looked down.
“My father.”
“What?”
“He told me something.”
I waited.
“He said the pregnancy couldn’t be mine.”
“Why?”
“Because of the dates.”
I shook my head.
“The dates were wrong because the doctors had originally calculated the pregnancy incorrectly.”
Adrian nodded.
“I know.”
“So you believed your father over your wife?”
“I was deployed. I was under pressure. I was angry.”
“Those are explanations.”
He looked at me.
“I know.”
“They aren’t excuses.”
“I know.”
His voice broke slightly.
“I was young.”
“So was I.”
“I thought you were trying to trap me.”
I stared at him.
“Why would I need to trap you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
He rubbed his hands together.
“I spent eight years telling myself I made the right decision.”
“And now?”
“Now I know I didn’t.”
He looked toward the house.
“I watched those boys tonight.”
He smiled faintly.
“Ethan folds his arms exactly like I do.”
I laughed despite myself.
“Daniel bites his lip when he’s nervous.”
Adrian smiled.
“Noah doesn’t trust strangers.”
“Neither do you.”
“And Samuel…”
He stopped.
“What about Samuel?”
“He laughs the way I used to.”
I looked at him.
“You remember?”
“I remember everything.”
Then he said something that made my chest hurt.
“I should have been there.”
“Yes.”
“I should have held them when they were born.”
“Yes.”
“I should have watched them walk.”
“Yes.”
“I should have heard their first words.”
I swallowed.
“Yes.”
He looked at me.
“Is it too late?”
I didn’t answer immediately.
Finally, I said:
“It’s too late to be the father you should have been.”
His eyes dropped.
“But…”
He looked up.
“It’s not too late to be their father now.”
