That being in the middle of it made you tired and no fun.
That the fun was out there, on a golf course, without the noise.
That the version of me who existed before six children was the real version and the current version was a failure of the original.
He was wrong about all of it.
He was particularly wrong about the fun.
I called the studio at two in the afternoon.
The person who answered was the creative director, whose name was Patricia, and who had been the one corresponding with me for three months.
She said: Ellie. I just saw your submission.
She said: give me twenty minutes.
Thirty minutes later she called back.
She said: this is exceptional work.
She said: the nonprofit project was exceptional but this portfolio shows the range I was hoping to see.
She said: I want to make you a formal offer.
She described the role.
She described the salary.
I had not asked about the salary in our earlier conversations.
I had assumed it was competitive.
The salary she described was more than competitive.
It was more than Carter made.
This was not something I had anticipated.
I said: Patricia.
She said: yes.
I said: I need to tell you something.
She said: all right.
I said: I have six children.
She said: I know.
I said: the youngest is seven months.
She said: I know that too.
She said: Ellie, I’ve been in this industry for twenty-five years.
She said: I have watched studios lose the best talent they have because they couldn’t figure out how to make room for people who also had families.
She said: we figured it out.
She said: the role is senior. It has flexibility.
She said: it has remote options.
She said: it has support structures.
She said: we want people who can do the work, not people who have nothing else.
She said: people who have nothing else are often worse at this work than people who have everything else.
She said: do you want me to send the formal offer?
I said: yes.
She said: I’ll send it this afternoon.
Carter came home at four-thirty.
He had the specific relaxed quality of a man who has spent the day outdoors doing something he enjoys.
He came in.
The house was still quiet.
He looked around.
He said: where are the kids?
I said: Dana has the older four. Mom has Nora. They’ll be back at six.
He said: how did you manage that?
He said it with genuine curiosity.
I said: I called them and asked.
He said: why?
I said: because I had work to do.
He looked at me.
I was at my desk.
My laptop was open.
My design files were visible.
He said: your freelance stuff?
I said: something new.
I showed him the offer email.
I had printed it.
I placed it on the table in front of him.
He sat down.
He read it.
He read it again.
He said: Ellen.
I said: Ellie.
He said: Ellie. This is.
